We were talking about pizza one evening, my roommates and I. One usually begins his or her relationship with pizza in elementary school I suppose.

“Well at my school you would get three tickets and so you could either get one piece of pizza and one cupcake and one juice. But not fruit juice. There was absolutely no fruit in this juice. It was just sugar water with food coloring in this cheap round plastic bottle that sort of opaque. So anyway— everyone did this thing where they would put the frosting from the cupcake on their pizza.”

“You put frosting on your pizza?!” we laughed.

“Yeah! It was a whole thing! It wasn’t even me just being a fat kid it was like a thing that everyone did. The best was when there were vanilla cupcakes with chocolate frosting. On those days I would get two cupcakes and save one to eat and use the other for the frosting.”

“What did you do with the leftover cake?”

“Probably traded it for a juice.”

“Did you guys have little ceasar’s pizza? Because I think I must have gotten food poisoning from that shit like at least twice. My best friend threw up every Friday because her stomach couldn’t handle it but it was so good.”

“Did you guys eat your crusts?”

“No I was not a crust person.”

“Oh man you were my favorite kind of person but I also hated you and didn’t understand you because I was tortured by all of the crusts that people didn’t eat. I wanted to eat all of abandoned crusts because it was like, free breadsticks ya know?! So I had this whole inner turmoil about wanting to eat everyone’s crusts but also not wanting to hate myself for eating everyone’s crusts.”

“Okay well at my school you got a salad ticket and a pizza ticket and I always traded my salad ticket for a pizza ticket because all of my friends were skinny and I had like seven chins. And then I would also eat their pizzas when they didn’t want them. So I ended up having like four pieces of pizza for lunch. Oh also there was this kid at my school who’s parents ordered him pizza like, every single day so I decided to make him my boyfriend so that I could have his pizza.”

“Genius”

“What?! His parents got him pizza every day? He was like the luckiest kid ever.”

“I know. So I made him my boyfriend. And I got to have pizza all the time. But then everyone told him that I was only his girlfriend for his pizza and he broke up with me.”